thoughts on responsibility
this is the end of a few days of thought. a 4 in the morning post, so i dont know what it will truly say in the morning, or if it will be powerful. It is mostly for myself, but it is also for all y'all. To that special someone reading this...i am daunted by the monument of existence and the trials of my lifetime. I get confused and worry that my limitations will seek to change you. I worry i am not accepting enough of myself and my current state, but i have faith, and great peace when i think on you and how we face things. with love...
RESPONSIBILITY
All over the world there is a general abdication of responsibility. Responsibility is tough, and people don’t want to accept it. People do not want to act, do not want to make decisions, because the very action creates responsibility for that action. I don’t know any way to get around this…though there might be one. The people who are willing to make decisions and accept the responsibility of their actions are at a tremendous advantage in the world. If they desire anything they can achieve it, (career, motherhood, family, knowledge, whatever) simply because they are willing to make the decisions necessary for that achievement. This could also be called living with a purpose, or passion, since a purpose is nothing but the name we give to a strong inner-decision. The outward manifestation of a purpose is a string of decisions consistent with the inner decision. Here are the pitfalls and obstacles to those who are willing to live with purpose, passion, and responsibility.
1) the cult of false modesty: one who makes decisions must “not care” about the feelings of the masses who are unwilling to accept responsibility. There is a great collective pulling down or energy leech that this mass is creating. Generally they will rail and complain about decisions made for them, neglecting the fact that they have had ample time and ability to make those decisions for themselves. They will rationalize their indecision by calling it humility. They will call those who are willing to pursue a purpose “self centered”, “self serving” and “egotistic”. When they confront a decision maker they are ill at ease in his/her presence (and rightly so, they are operating at a different level) because of their subconscious awareness of their own irresponsibility/lack of purpose. They feel threatened, and (the laws of thermodynamics are applicable here) they will unconsciously try to pull everyone down to their level, their temperature. My father talks of people in this process as “pissing on your dreams”. I find the metaphor vivid and correct. To “not care” about their feelings is to not give heed to their attempt to pull down your purpose filled existence. It is not out of contempt that a decision maker does this, but rather out of love and necessity, hoping that he/she can stand as an example to all who wish to live a purposeful life. Therefore, as a purpose filled person strives forward in the act of “not caring” he/she is really doing the most charitable thing possible to truly care for the well-being of all he/she contacts. It is necessary not to listen to those who would subconsciously desire such a homogenization. But prepare to be misunderstood. The reality of worldly existence is that it is like the sand worm’s hole from Star Wars: if you are not actively pulling yourself up you are undoubtedly sinking. There must be self acceptance, but THERE IS NO STASIS.
2) self love, self doubt:
if you do not love yourself enough to think your voice in the world has merit and beauty then you will never be able to make powerful decisions. In your intrapersonal relationships, if you do not feel you have equal merit as your partner then it will be difficult to not be timid in the expression of your true desires. There will always be moments of doubt, but the greatest purpose-filled people have, always, at their deep core, a belief that they are worth the goal they seek. It is important here to make the distinction between true purpose filled decision makers and those who seem driven only to fill up holes in their emotional makeup (the “im gonna prove it to the world” syndrome). Such will only achieve happiness temporarily, and usually at the expense of others, until their deficiency of self torments them into more negative behavior. The true decision maker wishes to prove nothing to the world but the potential of the world’s children. His/her’s motives behind a purpose driven life are never based on fear, want, or feelings of inadequacy. Though it is understandable that they might have moments of all these emotions. It is also important to note here that normal social success markers of achievement do not normally apply to a true purpose filled decision maker. Happiness and peace are the only things that matter. But, because society wishes so badly to live purposefully (the easy way, by association), they will often reward the purposeful with wealth and any number of other distinctions. Don’t reject such lavishings, but use them in charity to further lift up those who just rewarded them. In this light a purpose driven person can be like the new robin hood, receiving from the responsibility poor, transmuting that into a higher currency, and then giving it back to the same people. Also, self love is the confidence required to overcome the downward homogenizing force of those who do not understand. They will make a decision maker question her/her correctness in the path. If there is not enough self love and righteous self confidence there will be no transformation.
3) Over charity:
this is a nasty ploy of the adversary. It is charity for the world and ourselves that will lead us to be decisive and purposeful, but one need only twist this charity a bit to turn it harmful. If you love (especially in interpersonal decisions and relationships) too much, you can begin to second guess your decisions regarding that person. You can wonder if you are making decisions for them, something you would never want to do because you want them to grow on their own. You can wonder if your decisions are hurting them, or keeping them from happiness, or giving them happiness to easily, or not challenging them. You can wonder at the motives for your decisions in their lives. Also, over charity, over concern for people will lead you to wonder about all the tiny decisions of life, decisions that often do not need to be made, but sometimes we love so much as to always want to analyze every little decision so we can make the one we perceive as best for them. There are many, many things to worry about. Each one is positive on some level, but when they lead you to constantly second guess even small intrapersonal decisions then they are extremely draining and ultimately paralyzing. The solution is to be decisive, and to continue to act towards that person or situation with the same purpose. Your trust is that they are decisive enough themselves to let you know what they truly want in the moment, and if your decisions are infringing on that agency. If they are not, then it is probably an indication that they are lacking in self love, which is ok in moments (because life is tough), but unchecked and patternized will lead to inequality and discontent in the relationship. It is also important to note here that many men and women in relationships fall back on social constructs of subservience. These constructs are all false. Men and women are equal partners. Duties and their various responsibilities should be consciously divided within a relationship, but when men neglect duties because of tradition and when women neglect responsibility, especially within the courtship construct, it is wrong.
4) Keeping the tank full:
This is the hardest, as the purpose filled person is, of course, human. Living with purpose is the only way to true happiness, but it requires a lot of energy. Part of this is due to the fact that there are so few beings left who will not drain the energy of a purpose filled person. If more people accepted responsibility then each decision maker would face less decisions. In the meantime, it can seem like a purpose filled person holds up the energy deficit of the world. This doesn’t have to be the case. This is why it is so important to pick your battles. Life is all about balance, and there must be times given to accept things, to rest, to enjoy, to laugh and to commiserate. A purpose filled person must first and foremost look to ways to maintain their balance, their energy, their strength. They must learn to say no to responsibilities that are not beneficial to their purpose and their health. They must learn to ask for help when they cant do it alone. there is no shame in help if your ultimate motive in asking is charity for yourself and for others. They must cultivate habits like meditation and scripture study and prayer and yoga and running etc. that fill up their energy and allow them to face, each day, the entropic world. They must know themselves (mostly) and be able to understand their wants and needs. If not, how are they to determine what decisions to make and paths to pursue? They must cultivate means of loving themselves, so they can assert themselves in confidence and love. Guilt is the crippler here, as the world will again make them feel self-centered for such personal time and space. This must not be heeded, because it is simply irrational.
Ultimately, the only people who change the world for the better are those who approach it with purpose and passion. It is the hardest way to live, and nowadays there are so many ways to self-medicate that some can go through life mostly unaware of their profound unconscious unhappiness. But it is my belief that there is goodness in the human spirit, a goodness that recognizes purpose when it sees it in others, and that that goodness will ultimately prevail over the laziness that our culture has slid into. In other words, it is clear to me that the victor of this most crucial of struggles will be the divinity inside each one of us. I hope something I have said will resonate within me and within those who have lived the moments that require their purpose to be reckoned with. I love you.
RESPONSIBILITY
All over the world there is a general abdication of responsibility. Responsibility is tough, and people don’t want to accept it. People do not want to act, do not want to make decisions, because the very action creates responsibility for that action. I don’t know any way to get around this…though there might be one. The people who are willing to make decisions and accept the responsibility of their actions are at a tremendous advantage in the world. If they desire anything they can achieve it, (career, motherhood, family, knowledge, whatever) simply because they are willing to make the decisions necessary for that achievement. This could also be called living with a purpose, or passion, since a purpose is nothing but the name we give to a strong inner-decision. The outward manifestation of a purpose is a string of decisions consistent with the inner decision. Here are the pitfalls and obstacles to those who are willing to live with purpose, passion, and responsibility.
1) the cult of false modesty: one who makes decisions must “not care” about the feelings of the masses who are unwilling to accept responsibility. There is a great collective pulling down or energy leech that this mass is creating. Generally they will rail and complain about decisions made for them, neglecting the fact that they have had ample time and ability to make those decisions for themselves. They will rationalize their indecision by calling it humility. They will call those who are willing to pursue a purpose “self centered”, “self serving” and “egotistic”. When they confront a decision maker they are ill at ease in his/her presence (and rightly so, they are operating at a different level) because of their subconscious awareness of their own irresponsibility/lack of purpose. They feel threatened, and (the laws of thermodynamics are applicable here) they will unconsciously try to pull everyone down to their level, their temperature. My father talks of people in this process as “pissing on your dreams”. I find the metaphor vivid and correct. To “not care” about their feelings is to not give heed to their attempt to pull down your purpose filled existence. It is not out of contempt that a decision maker does this, but rather out of love and necessity, hoping that he/she can stand as an example to all who wish to live a purposeful life. Therefore, as a purpose filled person strives forward in the act of “not caring” he/she is really doing the most charitable thing possible to truly care for the well-being of all he/she contacts. It is necessary not to listen to those who would subconsciously desire such a homogenization. But prepare to be misunderstood. The reality of worldly existence is that it is like the sand worm’s hole from Star Wars: if you are not actively pulling yourself up you are undoubtedly sinking. There must be self acceptance, but THERE IS NO STASIS.
2) self love, self doubt:
if you do not love yourself enough to think your voice in the world has merit and beauty then you will never be able to make powerful decisions. In your intrapersonal relationships, if you do not feel you have equal merit as your partner then it will be difficult to not be timid in the expression of your true desires. There will always be moments of doubt, but the greatest purpose-filled people have, always, at their deep core, a belief that they are worth the goal they seek. It is important here to make the distinction between true purpose filled decision makers and those who seem driven only to fill up holes in their emotional makeup (the “im gonna prove it to the world” syndrome). Such will only achieve happiness temporarily, and usually at the expense of others, until their deficiency of self torments them into more negative behavior. The true decision maker wishes to prove nothing to the world but the potential of the world’s children. His/her’s motives behind a purpose driven life are never based on fear, want, or feelings of inadequacy. Though it is understandable that they might have moments of all these emotions. It is also important to note here that normal social success markers of achievement do not normally apply to a true purpose filled decision maker. Happiness and peace are the only things that matter. But, because society wishes so badly to live purposefully (the easy way, by association), they will often reward the purposeful with wealth and any number of other distinctions. Don’t reject such lavishings, but use them in charity to further lift up those who just rewarded them. In this light a purpose driven person can be like the new robin hood, receiving from the responsibility poor, transmuting that into a higher currency, and then giving it back to the same people. Also, self love is the confidence required to overcome the downward homogenizing force of those who do not understand. They will make a decision maker question her/her correctness in the path. If there is not enough self love and righteous self confidence there will be no transformation.
3) Over charity:
this is a nasty ploy of the adversary. It is charity for the world and ourselves that will lead us to be decisive and purposeful, but one need only twist this charity a bit to turn it harmful. If you love (especially in interpersonal decisions and relationships) too much, you can begin to second guess your decisions regarding that person. You can wonder if you are making decisions for them, something you would never want to do because you want them to grow on their own. You can wonder if your decisions are hurting them, or keeping them from happiness, or giving them happiness to easily, or not challenging them. You can wonder at the motives for your decisions in their lives. Also, over charity, over concern for people will lead you to wonder about all the tiny decisions of life, decisions that often do not need to be made, but sometimes we love so much as to always want to analyze every little decision so we can make the one we perceive as best for them. There are many, many things to worry about. Each one is positive on some level, but when they lead you to constantly second guess even small intrapersonal decisions then they are extremely draining and ultimately paralyzing. The solution is to be decisive, and to continue to act towards that person or situation with the same purpose. Your trust is that they are decisive enough themselves to let you know what they truly want in the moment, and if your decisions are infringing on that agency. If they are not, then it is probably an indication that they are lacking in self love, which is ok in moments (because life is tough), but unchecked and patternized will lead to inequality and discontent in the relationship. It is also important to note here that many men and women in relationships fall back on social constructs of subservience. These constructs are all false. Men and women are equal partners. Duties and their various responsibilities should be consciously divided within a relationship, but when men neglect duties because of tradition and when women neglect responsibility, especially within the courtship construct, it is wrong.
4) Keeping the tank full:
This is the hardest, as the purpose filled person is, of course, human. Living with purpose is the only way to true happiness, but it requires a lot of energy. Part of this is due to the fact that there are so few beings left who will not drain the energy of a purpose filled person. If more people accepted responsibility then each decision maker would face less decisions. In the meantime, it can seem like a purpose filled person holds up the energy deficit of the world. This doesn’t have to be the case. This is why it is so important to pick your battles. Life is all about balance, and there must be times given to accept things, to rest, to enjoy, to laugh and to commiserate. A purpose filled person must first and foremost look to ways to maintain their balance, their energy, their strength. They must learn to say no to responsibilities that are not beneficial to their purpose and their health. They must learn to ask for help when they cant do it alone. there is no shame in help if your ultimate motive in asking is charity for yourself and for others. They must cultivate habits like meditation and scripture study and prayer and yoga and running etc. that fill up their energy and allow them to face, each day, the entropic world. They must know themselves (mostly) and be able to understand their wants and needs. If not, how are they to determine what decisions to make and paths to pursue? They must cultivate means of loving themselves, so they can assert themselves in confidence and love. Guilt is the crippler here, as the world will again make them feel self-centered for such personal time and space. This must not be heeded, because it is simply irrational.
Ultimately, the only people who change the world for the better are those who approach it with purpose and passion. It is the hardest way to live, and nowadays there are so many ways to self-medicate that some can go through life mostly unaware of their profound unconscious unhappiness. But it is my belief that there is goodness in the human spirit, a goodness that recognizes purpose when it sees it in others, and that that goodness will ultimately prevail over the laziness that our culture has slid into. In other words, it is clear to me that the victor of this most crucial of struggles will be the divinity inside each one of us. I hope something I have said will resonate within me and within those who have lived the moments that require their purpose to be reckoned with. I love you.
posted by Aaron Allen at 3:34 AM
2 comments
